Why isn’t he responding? 3 rules for texting men

By Taylor Meadows

During the year the world was supposed to end (AKA 2012), I learned some valuable information about the SMS relationships between males and females.

I made some awkward mistakes when texting ex-boyfriends and had some equally uncomfortable snafus with guys that I thought I fancied. All of which left me embarrassed, listening to Whitney Houston’s How Will I Know.

I was constantly looking at my phone and analyzing each and every text that I sent and each text that the guy would send back, which would inevitably be “cool,” “you too,” or “nice.”

What?

I just sent you a paragraph of information along with a sweet Emojicon, and all you can say is “nice” two days later?

After consulting with some of the fabulous men in my life about this phenomenon, I developed 3 simple rules to follow when texting any guy (gay or straight).

In the words of Scissor Sisters, “Lock the doors, lower the blinds, turn on the smoke machine and put on your heels,” because, ladies, I am about to give you some text tactics that will blow your mind.

1. Do not text in paragraph form. As women, we love to talk like we are the modern day Bronte sisters. We want a guy to think that we are deep creatures with words that can make mountain tops glitter. I honestly don’t know how women use Twitter, because summing up a thought in 140 characters or less can be a challenge. Well, we need to learn to text like we tweet. When we text a guy paragraphs of fluff, we give too much information about ourselves. They don’t want to know the flavor and texture of the pop tart we consumed that morning or the happenings of our day in full detail. (Don’t act like you aren’t guilty of texting like that!) A guy once told me that when we text a ton of information, guys categorize us. We are no longer mysterious, so they move on. Learn to text like a guy with one-word answers and watch what happens. Save your lengthy paragraphs for your princess journals.

2. Maintain a confident, not over-eager mindset when responding to a text from a new suitor. Do not jump at the chance to set a world record in textual response. Instead, maintain intrigue. He doesn’t need to know that your eyeballs and fingertips are glued to your phone. I can’t speak for all women, but I know that at times I act before I take a second to process and breathe. I actually tried this rule and it worked. I received a response from a guy one day while I was working. I was able to respond right away, but I left it sitting for a few hours. When I checked my phone again, I had two more texts from him. Next time you want to set that world record just say out loud, “I’ll text you back at my earliest convenience.

3. Do NOT text an ex. Period. This should be the Golden Rule of texting. Do not text an ex-boyfriend unless you are realistically mature enough to be confident in the knowledge that they are so far removed from your life. You can’t rekindle a dead romance with a text or two…or three. Trust me: you’ll end up eating a roll of cookie dough just as you ex’s ego continues to soar. And definitely do not (EVER) text after you have had a few martinis. You are stronger than you think. Go ye therefore and stick to that mindset!

Words are powerful, so don’t always give them away in a text message. Save them. Write a poem or a novel. Don’t waste them in a text to a guy who will read it and ignore its value.

Now, I will figure out how to tackle this new, foreign concept of talking on the phone.