Sach Mooch: How to be a diva like Narendra Modi

Memorise what I will tell you because if you want to be a world-class leader in the future, then you gotta be a coolio.

KARACHI: 

If Barack Obama were a republican and Imran Khan were a little ugly, they would be as popular as Narendra Modi. Modi has made conservatism and ethnocentrism hip, yet he looks like an uncle. That is his ‘oomph’ and ‘pizzazz’, as the new prime minister of one of the fastest developing countries of the world and biggest country of the region.

But how did Modi get this far — from selling tea at the railway station to running a whole country? Analysts would like you to believe that it was his political strategy and hard-line policies that got him where he is, but honestly, that’s all bull-crap! It is because he is cool. Write down, memorise and act on what I will tell you now, because if you want to be a world-class leader in the future, then you gotta be a coolio bro/girl!

First of all, Modi wears the most awesome hats. What do hats have to do with becoming a good leader? The Queen begs to differ. I will now showcase the range of hats Modi has worn, as style is very important if you are going to lead. It’s easy to spot the one you are following in a big crowd if he/she is wearing a flamboyant hat. And if the prime minister has style, even Alia Bhatt would know who he is — that’s a big deal, by the way.

Modi chills out with his mom, taking pictures and sharing them on his Facebook account with statuses such as “Chilling with mom, as she feeds me #ThrowBackThursday.” This lets your followers know that you also have a mom, makes them feel like you are one of them or else they might think you are an alien. Plus, moms are cool, especially when they are alive to see their 63-year-old son become the prime minister.

‘Should I be mean to Nawaz Sharif? Should I make fun of Rahul Gandhi? Should I keep a mullet? Wait, let me take a selfie!’ Modi is probably the first ancient and South Asian premier to endorse selfies. This is how he made all the 13 year olds vote for him. Oh wait, 13 year olds can’t vote. Still, got to prepare for the next elections!

Remember how in school there was one kid who was kind of geeky, his name would be long, unconventional and hard to pronounce or had thick glasses, weird hair and body odour or all of the above? This kid was always accepted because he chilled with the cool kids. That way, one did not have to make an effort, yet enjoyed the privileges of the hip crowd. That kid, ladies and gentleman, is Modi!

A typical Sunday for him includes having coffee with Amitabh Bachchan, sharing Rajnikanth jokes with Rajnikanth and ending the day with kite-flying lessons from Salman Khan, where Sallu heals Modi tenderly. By the way, what the hell is up with Rajnikanth? He looks like an old crazy chacha. Does he get a face job every time he prepares for a film?

Coming back to the topic, Sarah Palin, John F Kennedy and Imran Khan are some of the examples of good-looking leaders who gain extra attention simply because they are beautiful/handsome. This is not to undermine their leadership skills, but being easy on the eyes helps — that’s just how humans perceive other people.

You can call it the halo effect or that our perception of a perfect leader is that of a healthy and heroic-looking person. But the fact that Modi, despite being none of that, has made it… that, my friends, is swag! (Look up the term if you are too uncool to know it.)