Divorce might seem like the end of the life you had imagined for yourself – happily married to a great man and being a fulfilled stay-at-home or working mom of beautiful children. However, divorce is not the end of world. While it might not be your first thought after finalizing your divorce, there’s nothing that says you cannot find happiness with another man. Life does go on; in fact a much better one might lie right ahead of you. Keeping the following tips in mind however before thinking about getting married again will help keep things in perspective.
Give yourself time
The end of a marriage, whatever the reason, is a traumatic experience and you will need time to heal. Don’t rush into the first relationship that comes your way, thinking that it will make up for the pain and disappointment you have endured. Keep yourself busy and do all the things you neglected while you were caught up in a negative relationship. Focus on feeling better about yourself – join a gym, take a course or pursue a hobby that you never had the time for. It might also help to talk to a professional therapist.
The end of a marriage, whatever the reason, is a traumatic experience and you will need time to heal. Don’t rush into the first relationship that comes your way, thinking that it will make up for the pain and disappointment you have endured. Keep yourself busy and do all the things you neglected while you were caught up in a negative relationship. Focus on feeling better about yourself – join a gym, take a course or pursue a hobby that you never had the time for. It might also help to talk to a professional therapist.
Don’t lose faith in yourself
Sometimes running back to your ex-husband to get back together might seem tempting and if you can truly work on your problems and get counseling, it could even be an option. Don’t forget though, why you got divorced in the first place – it was probably the right decision.
Sometimes running back to your ex-husband to get back together might seem tempting and if you can truly work on your problems and get counseling, it could even be an option. Don’t forget though, why you got divorced in the first place – it was probably the right decision.
At the same time, if you meet Mr. Right and truly feel like he is the “one,” don’t let other people discourage you or cause you to doubt yourself. Go ahead and take the leap.
Know what counts
Every marriage comes with its own set of challenges – the key is to know the kind of problems you can deal with, and the ones that you cannot handle. That should be the most important and valuable lesson you walk away with from your previous marriage. Which personality traits are really important to you? No one is perfect, but you can try and make sure that you both share the same principles and ethics for example, as well as some common interests.
Every marriage comes with its own set of challenges – the key is to know the kind of problems you can deal with, and the ones that you cannot handle. That should be the most important and valuable lesson you walk away with from your previous marriage. Which personality traits are really important to you? No one is perfect, but you can try and make sure that you both share the same principles and ethics for example, as well as some common interests.
Be honest with yourself
While you don’t have to admit it to anyone else, be honest with yourself about the reasons behind your divorce. If you had an unfaithful husband, one who had an addiction of some kind or simply an unbearable human being, think about why you chose him in the first place. Where there some warning signs you ignored? Did you realize too late that he was not the “one” but didn’t have the courage to get out of the relationship? Were you too obsessed with getting married that you didn’t want to look beyond the surface? If the two of you just grew apart and fell out of love, could it have been avoided? How much of it was your fault?
While you don’t have to admit it to anyone else, be honest with yourself about the reasons behind your divorce. If you had an unfaithful husband, one who had an addiction of some kind or simply an unbearable human being, think about why you chose him in the first place. Where there some warning signs you ignored? Did you realize too late that he was not the “one” but didn’t have the courage to get out of the relationship? Were you too obsessed with getting married that you didn’t want to look beyond the surface? If the two of you just grew apart and fell out of love, could it have been avoided? How much of it was your fault?
Be realistic
By being honest with yourself about the reasons behind the failure of your marriage, you can help yourself be more realistic about your second marriage. Don’t expect your second marriage to make up for your failed first one and try not to repeat the same mistakes. That said, with the experience you bring along and the strength you have gained, there’s no reason not to fall in love again, to be loved in return, and have a great second marriage.
By being honest with yourself about the reasons behind the failure of your marriage, you can help yourself be more realistic about your second marriage. Don’t expect your second marriage to make up for your failed first one and try not to repeat the same mistakes. That said, with the experience you bring along and the strength you have gained, there’s no reason not to fall in love again, to be loved in return, and have a great second marriage.
When you have children…
Thinking about getting married may be complicated enough if you’re single. If you have children, it just gets more complex. However, this shouldn’t keep you from getting into a new relationship and remarrying.
Get counseling first
Depending on the age of your child and the nature of your divorce, you might want to consider attending some counseling sessions with your child before meeting a new person. Children tend to feel that all events revolve around them and need extra attention and re-assurance during and after the divorce. Counseling will also help you put things in perspective and make the right decision second time around.
Depending on the age of your child and the nature of your divorce, you might want to consider attending some counseling sessions with your child before meeting a new person. Children tend to feel that all events revolve around them and need extra attention and re-assurance during and after the divorce. Counseling will also help you put things in perspective and make the right decision second time around.
Be honest
When starting a new relationship, be honest and tell the man you are getting involved with that you are a divorced, single mother. This way, the cards are on the table from the very beginning and the relationship will develop or end depending on his reaction and your gut feeling.
When starting a new relationship, be honest and tell the man you are getting involved with that you are a divorced, single mother. This way, the cards are on the table from the very beginning and the relationship will develop or end depending on his reaction and your gut feeling.
Children are very sensitive and realize so much more than we give them credit for. If your child asks you whether or not you are seeing someone, be honest without getting into too much detail. It is a vulnerable time for your child, so do not lie because this will cause your child to lose trust in you.
Your child’s father
This might be the most difficult challenge for you, but depending on the circumstances of your divorce, try and let your ex-husband know that you are planning on remarrying. It is better for him to hear the news of your remarriage from you instead of outsiders. After all, the decision that you are taking is ultimately affecting his children as well. Also, having an amicable relationship with your ex-husband will help your child adjust to the new situation in a better way.
This might be the most difficult challenge for you, but depending on the circumstances of your divorce, try and let your ex-husband know that you are planning on remarrying. It is better for him to hear the news of your remarriage from you instead of outsiders. After all, the decision that you are taking is ultimately affecting his children as well. Also, having an amicable relationship with your ex-husband will help your child adjust to the new situation in a better way.
If this is not at all possible and you are faced with hostility and threats, get help from someone he respects. You have the right to marry again without having to endure unacceptable behavior from your ex-husband.
Choose the right time
Get to know your future husband well enough before introducing him to your child. Choosing the right timing will be tricky because while you don’t want to introduce this new person too soon because he may not be the “one,” you don’t want to wait too long because you need to see how they will accept each other and you definitely want your child to hear about this relationship from you. Take it step by step and pay attention to your child’s general mood. If he seems well-balanced and adjusted and you feel that the time is right, try a casual get together and take it from there. If your child reacts negatively, wait and give him some more time. There will be other chances. Your child is recovering from the divorce as well and while you might be ready to move on, he may not be.
Get to know your future husband well enough before introducing him to your child. Choosing the right timing will be tricky because while you don’t want to introduce this new person too soon because he may not be the “one,” you don’t want to wait too long because you need to see how they will accept each other and you definitely want your child to hear about this relationship from you. Take it step by step and pay attention to your child’s general mood. If he seems well-balanced and adjusted and you feel that the time is right, try a casual get together and take it from there. If your child reacts negatively, wait and give him some more time. There will be other chances. Your child is recovering from the divorce as well and while you might be ready to move on, he may not be.
Choose the right environment
When arranging a first meeting, try and keep it informal and casual. Having other family members present and choosing a public place, like the club or a restaurant, can re-assure your child and make it less formal than a one-on-one at home. Do not expect too much from the first encounter, you must give it time.
When arranging a first meeting, try and keep it informal and casual. Having other family members present and choosing a public place, like the club or a restaurant, can re-assure your child and make it less formal than a one-on-one at home. Do not expect too much from the first encounter, you must give it time.
Be patient
It’s normal for your child to not like the person you are involved with at first or even hate him. Be prepared to deal with these feelings in an understanding and patient way. Many children hope their parents will get back together and it can take some time for them to come to the often painful realization that this is not going to be the case.
It’s normal for your child to not like the person you are involved with at first or even hate him. Be prepared to deal with these feelings in an understanding and patient way. Many children hope their parents will get back together and it can take some time for them to come to the often painful realization that this is not going to be the case.
Let them be
You might be tempted to be involved in every detail of your husband-to-be and your child’s time together. Don’t. Let them get to know each other at their own pace and try not to force them to act in one way or another. They have to figure it out by themselves at some point.
You might be tempted to be involved in every detail of your husband-to-be and your child’s time together. Don’t. Let them get to know each other at their own pace and try not to force them to act in one way or another. They have to figure it out by themselves at some point.
Your life is not over just because you are divorced with children; this is reality for many of today’s women. When you decide to remarry, make a wise decision, take your time and concentrate on what’s really important. A stable home is what’s really important to a child, so if you can provide him with that with a second husband, you’re giving him something truly valuable
No comments:
Post a Comment
thank you for your precious time and feedback.