Nigella Lawson: I have used cocaine twice and smoked the odd joint

'I have never been a drug addict,' TV cook tells court as she gives evidence in trial of former assistants accused of fraud

Nigella Lawson told the court: 'I have never been a habitual user. There were two times in my life that I have used cocaine.' Photograph: Sang Tan/AP

Nigella Lawson has told a court she has used cocaine twice in her life and "smoked the odd joint".

The TV cook and author made the revelations under oath as she gave evidence to the trial of two former personal assistants who are accused of defrauding her and her ex-husband of hundreds of thousands of pounds.

"I have never been a drug addict," she told Isleworth crown court in London. "I have never been a habitual user [of cocaine]. There were two times in my life that I have used cocaine."

The first, she said, was when her first husband, John Diamond, discovered that he had terminal cancer.

She said he had taken the drug as an "escape" and that she had joined him even though she was not seeking a similar escape as she knew she had to look after him and their children and earn a living.

She told the court that the second occasion was just over three years ago.

"There was another time, in July of 2010, when I was going through a very, very difficult time," said Lawson.

"I felt – how can I put this – subjected to intimate terrorism by Mr Saatchi [Charles, her ex-husband]. I felt totally isolated, in fear and just unhappy."

She said a friend of hers had offered her some cocaine and she had taken it, only to find it "completely spooked" her. She said she had immediately gone to tell her doctor, adding that he would agree that she could not possibly be described as a drug addict or habitual user.

"I did not have a drug problem," she told the court. "I had a life problem."

She said she had subsequently sought counselling for that problem.

A court artist's sketch of Lawson giving evidence at Isleworth crown court. Photograph: Elizabeth Cook/PA

Lawson also admitted to taking cannabis in the last year of her marriage to Saatchi. "I have to be honest, I have smoked the odd joint," she said. "I found it made an intolerable situation tolerable."

But she said she had now stopped using all drugs.

"It [cannabis] is a false friend and not a good idea. I found the answer was in changing the situation and trying to create a tolerable situation for me and my family. I have to say, since freeing myself from a brilliant but brutal man, I'm now totally cannabis, cocaine, any drug, free."

Lawyers for Elisabetta Grillo and her sister, Francesca, have claimed Lawson allowed them to spend freely on Saatchi's account because they knew she was a daily drug user, taking cocaine, class B drugs and prescription medicines, and she did not want them to share this "guilty secret" with her husband.

When Saatchi gave evidence, he told the court he did not know whether his former wife had taken drugs. "If you ask me whether I actually knew whether Nigella ever took drugs, the answer is no," he said.

Earlier on Wednesday, the 53-year-old TV chef said Saatchi had threatened to destroy her and menaced her with allegations of drug use as their marriage disintegrated.

Lawson said she had endured bullying and abuse and felt that the case had become a trial of her alleged drug use.

She told how she tried to pull out of giving evidence because she believed Saatchi was using the case to air grievances after their marriage fell apart.

Representing Elisabetta Grillo, who with her sister Francesca is accused of the fraudulent spending of £685,000 from the couple's account, Anthony Metzer QC asked Lawson about a statement she gave to police in October saying she did not want to give evidence in the trial. She said that at that time "to say my relationship with Mr Saatchi is not good is nowhere near [the truth]".

"He said to me if I didn't go back and clear his name he would destroy me," she said, standing and speaking clearly on the fourth day of the trial.

Lawson arrives at the court. Photograph: Rex

"He started spreading false allegations of drug use, in particular the awful incident at Scott's, and I felt his way of getting things out was to use this case and in September a new addition to the defendants' defence statements came out which Mr Saatchi had menaced me with in August.

"I said: 'What allegations? There aren't going to be any.' These were spread on a PR blog dedicated to salvaging Mr Saatchi's reputation and trashing mine. I felt this would not become a fraud case and I would be put on trial and that is what happened. It comes after a long summer of bullying and abuse and I find it another chapter in that."

Saatchi was photographed at Scott's restaurant in Mayfair with his hand clutching Lawson's neck. He accepted a police caution for assault and told the court last week the row was not about drugs and that he "was holding her head by the neck to make her focus".

The court had previously heard Saatchi had been sent accounts by the Grillos that Lawson was a habitual drug user, after which he sent her an angry email on 10 October mocking her as "Higella".

"Nigella, I was sent this by a newspaper and I could only laugh at your sorry depravity," the email began. It continued: "Of course now the Grillos will get off on the basis that you were so off your head on drugs that you allowed the sisters to spend what they liked. And yes, I believe every bit the Grillos said."

Lawson said she decided to give evidence "to do my civic duty".

"It is very difficult for me, very difficult for my children but I wanted to do the right thing," she said.

Judge Robin Johnson had earlier cautioned Lawson, who was wearing a black skirt, black suede boots and a black shirt with a white collar, that she did not need to say anything in the witness box that might incriminate her in the commission of a criminal offence.

Lawson faces the cameras outside the court. Photograph: Facundo Arrizabalaga/EPA

She then told the court how Elisabetta Grillo, 41, had become a "rock" and "a stalwart" around the time her first husband, John Diamond, was dying of cancer. She said Grillo's subsequent alleged betrayal had wounded her and broken her family's heart.

"I loved Lisa," she said. "My children loved Lisa. She came to us at a very difficult time in our house and she was a rock. I would have done anything for her."

Lawson said she had struggled to understand how Grillo could have behaved in such a manner.

Asked by Jane Carpenter, prosecuting, how she had felt, she replied: "She broke our heart. I don't know what to say about Lisa. It's very difficult when you find out that someone you have loved and trusted could behave that way. In my heart of hearts I don't believe Lisa to be a bad person but I do believe that she doesn't have a very strong moral compass."

She said the news had been especially difficult for the children as Elisabetta Grillo was their link to their father. "The sense of betrayal wounded me," she said.

Lawson also said she felt her natural generosity had been abused.

"I've always felt that if I have good fortune in my work I am happy to share that," she said, adding that she recalled – "rather ironically" – telling the sisters to treat themselves on her card after she bought herself a pair of £60 shoes after a stressful period of filming.

Lawson with her then husband Charles Saatchi. Photograph: Dave M Benett/Getty

"Sixty pounds? What was that for them?" she said. "They must have been laughing at me."

Asked for her impression of Elisabetta Grillo's younger sister, Lawson described Francesca Grillo, 35, as a "slight fantasist" who had told her children that she was an international lawyer.

"She would make strange claims and was detached in a way," said Lawson.

"Because I didn't love Francesca in the same way [as Elisabetta Grillo], her betrayal did not wound me in the same way.

She added that "a strange sense of entitlement" appeared to have "crept up on" Francesca Grillo.

Lawson also told the court that none of her employees was allowed to use their "work" credit cards for personal expenditure.

Asked by Carpenter whether the sisters had been allowed to use their cards for their own needs, she replied: "No. No one was."

Last week the court heard they ran up a total bill of £685,000 over the course of a four-year "greedy free-for-all", spending as much as £76,000 in one month alone. They are alleged to have used credit cards supplied to them by Saatchi and Lawson for the purpose of making purchases for the family, to buy high fashion items for themselves at boutiques including Miu Miu, Chanel and Louis Vuitton as well as on cash withdrawals, hotels and flights.

Lawyers for the sisters have claimed that Lawson allowed them to spend freely on the account of Lawson's former husband, Saatchi, because they knew she was a daily drug-user taking cocaine, class B drugs and prescription medicines and claimed she did not want them to share this "guilty secret" with her husband.

A pre-action letter written by Saatchi's lawyers, which was partly read out in court, said: "The claimants [including Saatchi] are also concerned that Ms Lawson gave the defendants [the Grillos] permission to use the accounts for personal purposes whilst under the influence of drugs and/or that Ms Lawson has no credible recollection of events as a result of drug abuse."